Got up 9:30AM Shit breakfast in Fred Zeppellins hotel still itchy and scratchy got Gor to find chemist for cream- fu*kin mozzies. On bus to gig 2 Hrs round one way system- DOH!!
the gigs 15 mins away yeah were lost.. again!
Gor has more lumps than a herd of camels.
Laminates for this short tour... picture of bloke with nakenspoiler- thats a mullet if you don't speak German. This town has one river and weve been over it eight times so far. Were still lost.
Quote-"you need vaseline on your Maglite" fu*k knows what for daredn't ask (happy Happy Joy Joy)
Music choice for long trip to gig- Eels- Sneaker Pimps- pretty chilled. I wish Heroin was as legal as beer then we could all have some without the stigma. Quote-"Its all te cock"
Took multi vitamins, turns your piss luminous orange, smoked more tabs, really bored now.
Promoter turns up on step through Honda 90, after waiting on some fu*kin road for half hour, now were gettin somewhere, back over river three times more, good job we set off at ten AM, might get there before sundown.
This town sports a fine gaggle of top quality tottie (Tits ooooooooout)
Conversation has reverted to computers and the internet, now I.m very bored, MORE TABS!
Gor won't stop scratchin makin me itch.
Into gig.
Gore on entering gig, Quote-"Its a shithole"
Promoter starts babbling on, took me for a ride on his Honda90 - Good Lad!
Rained on load in, Bollockin driver dropped bog, what a cu*t, it stinks, talk about wallowing in yer own piss!
I'm always doin half of Happy Happy's gig, ie miking up the drums and pluggin in, keeps me out of strife, good one Happy Happy Joy Joy.
Weve loaded in and set up with the usual Piss take and Shit, sweatin like a ---- (CENSORED)
laugh, Happy Joy Joy opens a carton of milk in the dressing room with a chain saw rendering the pouring ability completely useless.
Polished all my cymbals plus my bell- Woh! Ha Ha!
I think Milky's CD collection consists of Talk Talk and Jellyfish, and we have to put up with this shite at every gig but he's the only bloke who knows where the volume knob is.
Abbiss (googooDa Da) has been trying to avoid me all day, so I don't write owt about him, so I'm going to make it up based on past experience. As usual he puts lights in the most stupid places, so you and any other feckless bastard has a good chance of breakin their neck.
He has a Travis hairstyle today, looks a right cu*t in his long shorts or short longs. Now comes the time milky starts saying- "1 2 1 2 1 2 Ho Ho Har Hey Ye 2 2 2 etc etc......" for about one hour, its great! NOT!!!
watching Goo Gooo Da Da climb onto a six foot high stage is a sight to see, its like a lemming who's had second thoughts, struggle, yes he's only 15 yrs old and three foot six tall or smaller.
Gors in a dark corner polishing and restringing all the Arrrrrrias- planks of shit (Des Oppinion)
Two in house PA blokes are laying enough cable to reach to the sun and back, not bad for the Eurodome but not in this black hole of a gig, stage size 3in x 2in, fu*k knows how we get it all on but we do and we moan like fu*k.
I think were somewhere near line check, DANGER - Just dropped my guts, could take out local population, fu*k agent orange, eat Thai curry!
Had a cheese and ham sandwich for dinner, thats lunch to you Southern ponces, two cans of Red Bull, now I'm hyper. Gor fer fu*ks sake stop scratchin.
Milky-"Des have you tuned this kit today?" Cheeky cu*t, what the fu*k does he think I'm here for!!
Tappy tappy line check complete, everythings in the right hole, how proffesional.
Happy JJ gets tough with a pair of step ladders, piss take continues, good stuff.
Now noizy line check begins, Happy JJ does his " 1 2 1 2 1 2 CH CH CH etc etc etc..."
I get to hit stuff now COOL
Abbiss- GGDaDa tries out his lights I'm sweating more than I was last time I was Censored, Its too fuc*in hot!!!
Herman Helmet our driver just came into the gig complaining it was too loud, he should go back to ferry'ing old folk about who smell of piss and cheap biscuits- to the Costa's from Wigan, its a gig, Its hardly gonna be quiet.
Noizy line check over now the band should turn up and fu*k the whole day up for the lot of us:-
Gigs would be a lot less hassle if the band stayed in bed.
here's Bestie, my gaffa, then Mild turns up lookin like a pirate in Riks hat, but tanned and what a lovely lad (He told me to say that)
rest of band amble in.
time for sound check 5Pm
talked about mozzie bites to Steve Mild as we all seem to be covered in them due to doing gigs in a swamp, its like being on tour with a bunch of scurvee ridden pirates. Bestie has MIDI problem on his pads, sorted in seconds.
When I was a lad drummers played drums but thats progress for ya.
Soundcheck over time for tea, Pork chips n stuff.
Just finished eatin and bad breath the peanut smuggler turned up (I might explain later)
7:40PM Bands on at 10Pm Ive had enough Gig will be great we'll get on bus and get fu*ked up.
DES X |
